Caregiving for a partner is a very humbling experience. Still, I have found that I have leaned into love. I have leaned into understanding, compassion, and even hope. Recently, I have had to shift the energy that I was putting into service positions in AA, and rewire my life, to have the resources that I need to fully care for Steve. It is humbling to watch him change, and also to reflect on the times that I have been sick. Spiritually and mentally, Steve is in beautiful health. There is an exchange occurring. As I support him emotionally, physically and energetically, he supports me back. He loves me, and is able to assist and level my mental imbalance that can occur because of my mental illness. 

I have increased duties around the house. This was already happening due to Steve’s breathing issues, which have been greatly improving lately, but now with Steve being completely dependent on a walker, I have taken on cleaning the kitchen and cooking; two things that Steve used to do almost exclusively. I have had to have compassion for myself. Right now the lawn is a little long, and there are areas in my house that do need cleaning that I am not getting to. Being on my period and physically exhausted, I am taking a much needed restorative day. Writing, resting, and taking care of Steve’s basic needs is all that I can handle.

It may not seem like much, but giving myself a day off is a great accomplishment. Somehow, I have a chronic condition, where more is never enough. I have an addictive personality, and nurturing myself and healing from addiction, greatly helps the attribute of over-accomplishment. I also was raised in a busy household. I was taught that there is no time like the present, and that the best time to take care of something that needs to be done, is right now. Life was so full, and in many ways so beautiful and stimulating. Still, I developed a stress disorder, and later schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, from not learning to really slow down and simply focus on the bare necessities. Remember this song from the Disney movie The Jungle Book? When you focus on the bare necessities, the bare necessities in life will come to you! 

I am regularly reminded by my partner, who understands the nature of slowing down and focusing on the bare necessities to a much greater degree than myself, to move intentionally and allow time for rest and relaxation. — Time for falling apart in my backyard. Because working like the bee is just working too hard. — I need Steve for this. Together, we have so much, and all I ever wanted was a person to be with. I still have that person, and as I lean into these caregiver duties, I am reminded that loving Steve is all I ever really wanted in my life. We have our needs and necessities met. It is now time for reveling in compassion, understanding, and slowing down, so that I can shoulder a few more responsibilities. The best thing about this new development in my life, is the realization that Steve has deeply cared and provided for me in this life. His body has shouldered so many responsibilities, and now it is time for it to rest. It is time for him to break down, and that is okay. Through our mutual love, we can find a way through this, all the while allowing for physical and mental health and wellness. I am always grateful for my partner for teaching me the beauty in something as simple, and necessary, as “the bare necessities of life”.