When we practice things such as forgiveness, gratitude and acceptance, what happens? A window opens up. Through this window good things enter, and I find myself living a happy and sustainable life. Simply forgiveness; when I allow this feeling, which is the at the root of christian belief, I become able to love myself with paramount distinction. I begin to value all that I am and all that I do. The love that results from this simple act, given to me from a higher power and myself, starts a cascading effect. The light that pours in this window shines on my effort, the endless effort that I make towards accomplishment and being good. I feel good. I become good. I begin to grant myself credit for my accomplishments. I forgive you, Emily, Moon, and I love you. That is the message. But the result is seeing the beauty of God’s creation. I am part of that creation. I knit. I play pool. I sing. I am friends with my mom, dad and sister. I do chores every day. I support my partner. I love my animals. And when the light shines through this window on my life in retrospect, there is so much compassion for all of the pain that I endured. There is so much appreciation for all that I learned and accomplished. I cannot see this if I do not forgive myself, or allow the forgiveness of God’s love into my life. However you wish to see it is your choice. Regardless, forgiveness moves mountains.

Gratitude and acceptance are similar in their impact. Once I am grateful for all that I have and all that supports me, I no longer focus on negativity. I can overcome major character flaws such as envy, jealousy, judgement, and all the nasty forms of ego, when I bring gratitude authentically into my life. Acceptance is the key to transforming awareness. In my anger, rage and pain, I am fighting against something. I am suffering greatly, probably because I am not accepting myself or life the way it is. I may also be experiencing shame and guilt. But, there is a window. There is hope. Once I accept myself, as schizoaffective, as an alcoholic, as a human being with flaws, and all that my life is in all of its imperfection and hardship, I become enabled to find change. I must admit that I am where I am. I may find that I feel powerless over my life. There is grief, shame, and anger in my darkness. Acceptance is a key to a lock. It is okay for me to feel defeated by the hand that I was dealt. It is okay to admit that I have made bad choices. But this is not who I am. Once I experience gratitude, find forgiveness, and seek acceptance at every curve, I too will find an identity in God, and then nothing will be insurmountable. My faith will become unshakeable.

I used to believe that I was alone. I did not feel the presence of my loving family, my loving partner, or my many friends, when I was completely honest with myself. When I looked deep inside my being, I had no faith and there was no light. But I am not alone. I have discovered on the path to recovery, that connection is the opposite of addiction. I am an addict. I identify as an alcoholic, and I smoke cigarettes. I have an achievement disorder and I am a perfectionist. I need the light. I need forgiveness in all the purity that it provides. Once I have it, the light finds its way through the window that ‘perfect love’ created, and I then find that I am more beautiful than I ever imagined. My ego is quashed; I am perfect. I do not need to seek perfectionism or tire endlessly to achieve perfectionism. In my belief in God, in my faith, I have found that it already exists. I become humble. I become who I already am, and who I was already meant to be. A gifted beautiful child of the divine full of gratitude for all that I have. I accept the road that my feet have followed. And now I know I am held by grace and that I will never be alone.