It is the second day of spring today, and though things are blooming and growing, it is cool and rainy outside. The plum tree out my window is in full bloom, and the willows that are everywhere are pushing out new growth, along with the other young trees on the property. I myself am pushing out new growth. I am slowing down and using a new mantra to accept things the way they are. “It’s okay.” I came up with this in a therapy session, and then later realized that my partner, Steve, says this all the time. I grow sensitive to mental health symptoms this time of year, as do many with varying diagnoses. I must be aware and careful with myself. I must keep my plate clean. I have made a lot of progress in loving myself and accepting all that is.

I do not give myself the credit I deserve. In this writing practice this morning, I am going to call out all of the wonderful things that I do in my simple life, so that I myself can hear about the progress I have made. I, of course, write on this blog every week to ten days. I care for, and keep an eye on my disabled husband, and I manage a household in which we both live. I attend about ten AA meetings weekly, and I have service positions in several of these meetings. I have achieved a sober existence, and have been practicing AA principles in my life for over two and a half years. I write family and friends regularly. My husband and I prepare a weekly meal for my parents. We also talk to them and support them in may ways. I am in therapy, and I attend regular psychiatry appointments. I do my best at being a good attentive aunt and sister. I am non-binary and trans, and I have been coming out as Moon these last four years, and healing the patterns that need light in regards to this identity. All of 2022 so far, I attended Quaker gathering with the Religious Society of Friends, and have increased the practices of stillness and meditation in my life. I attend the local gym, and I work out at least three days a week, in the efforts to improve my health and wellbeing. I take care of a dog and cat, and I walk and feed them daily.

I am loved in God’s eyes as are you. If you do less than the above list, it does not matter, you are just as worthy of love and appreciation on your individual path. Sometimes we do less, and sometimes we do more. It is ever the exercise for me to just say, “It’s okay,” to breathe and then accept everything as it is. My house is not always clean and orderly, and sometimes I have slow days where I cannot work out at the gym. Sometimes, I must take additional medication in order to manage mild symptoms, while living with schizoaffective disorder. Most of all, I must regularly make the effort to get outside of myself. I want to be fully attentive to others. Whether that looks like reaching out to friends both inside and outside of AA, spending evenings and afternoons playing cards with my partner, playing with my niece for a couple hours, helping my mom with chores on the property, calling and visiting with my Dad who will be eighty this spring, or writing a letter to someone that might need a pick me up… getting outside of myself is a good practice.

The world does not revolve around me. Listening to people’s stories in AA, and acting selflessly in my family, are just two ways that I get outside of myself. The program teaches that even self-pity and remorse are behaviors where we become wrapped up in ourselves. Poor poor me. Not anymore. I will not waste time in morbid reflection, for it will reduce my usefulness. There are appropriate channels for service to others. Remember to have good boundaries, and to keep your coffers full of spiritual fuel. Prayer and mediation, as well as group and individual therapy, are healthy ways to receive the help and support that we need. Everyone has some degree of mental illness, or at the very least needs a mental health day every now and then. Remember to find ways to attend your garden, so that you then can share the fruits of your labor reaching out to those that you love. Compassion for others, in my opinion, should be valued over achievement.