I have been on a long journey of finding my true inner self and gender. It all began back in 2017, while attending a local tea and tarot class. I began introducing myself as Moon, and also recognized in myself that I was non-binary/trans. I had a glimmer of this truth back in 2007, after leaving the psych ward for a very severe psychotic break. I moved out to the small island of Lopez within a years time, and made all new friends as I left my home and friends back in Seattle. Over the years, a few friends have found their way back into my life and they come visit me in the islands. My journey forward was one of general stability, and I did not have another breakdown until spring of 2016. Somehow, I lost track of my trans identity. I had quit drinking for a year back in 2007-2008 when I first discovered this about myself, and then I gave that up and I drank over the next decade. My true inner sexual self and gender was pushed deep down inside of myself, as I learned to live in stability with schizoaffective disorder- bipolar type. From 2007-2016 I was stable, though still living with major mental illness. I worked over those nine years, excelled in yoga, found Jesus in 2012 and was baptized for the second time in 2014. I nurtured estranged relations with my sister, mother and father. In 2015 we all traveled to Hawaii and we spend all the holidays together to this day.

In 2017, after healing from a pretty serious episode in 2016 which resulted in the leaving of my job, and after seeing Steve through a very difficult time with his physical disability that resulted in a major surgery on his spine, I found myself reflecting deeply on life. I was slowed down. I was studying the tarot intensively. I was putting out my first book, self published; the second manuscript I had written regarding my mental illness. Pushing the book out was a coming out in a way, a healing from the stigma that schizoaffective disorder carries. I found myself meditating deeply in the woods and next to my ancient willow tree in the field on my mother’s property where I now live. I wanted to get to know Moon. I began signing my emails as Moon, and several sweet women from my tarot group called me by my new name. As I became celibate in my relationship, I also began to rediscover myself sexually. This was important. Sober, self-aware sex (with myself). I abstained from drinking mostly from 2016-2019, and then entered AA July of 2019. I have been on an amazing journey with AA, and now attend (since spring of 2021) two different LGBTQ+ meetings online. One is LGBTQ+ in general and meets every night at 7pm. The other is a Trans focused group that meets four times a week. Over the last year and a half, I have served in many different service positions in my three AA groups, (the third being my local in person AA). With this journey of practicing the twelve steps of AA, and abstaining from drinking, I have been able to accept who I truly am as a person, both with my sexuality and my gender. I have a good sense now of who I am as Moon (they/them).

Living most of my life with schizoaffective disorder, I have not really had the time or privilege of exploring my gay identity. I have a partner of 24 years, and have been monogamous since I was nineteen years old. My mental illness complicated my existence to the point that I forgot there was more to my identity beyond my mental illness. It truly is a disability. I am grateful for the handful of friends that I have been able to maintain over the years, that accept me just as I am with mental illness. Some have seen me at my worst and continue to love me anyways. A dear friend once told me that I was one of the most stable people she knew, that living with my mental illness had caused me to self-reflect to the point that I had a solid grasp on what mental health truly looks like. And this is true, my mental illness has been an enormous gift in self-discovery and learning. Still, it took until I was 39 to have my gender identity show its real face. I am 43 now, and I will have one year of continuous sobriety in three days. I am so lucky and grateful for so many things. My journey with mental illness as well as my gender identity have been hugs gifts. So thanks to those that have traveled with me on this journey of life; those that call me Moon, those that have seen me at my worst and are able to meet me right where I am at with all of it. Your support is known and felt.