This morning my family left for a week in Maui. I feel okay about staying home. A friend was asking why I did not go with them. I can’t say exactly. I can come up with reasons, like that I don’t believe in plane travel, I don’t want to leave Steve or the dogs and cats behind, that I can’t smoke in the airports, or that flying at night messes with my delicate sleep schedule. But the actual answer to the question is “I don’t know”. 

Today, I woke with a headache and was not feeling well. I slept in, and was glad I wasn’t on a shuttle or sitting in an airport. I played a morning game of dice over coffee with my sweetie, and was so glad we were in eachother’s  presence. I came home from the store and walked in to all four of my fuzzy creatures curled up together in the living room. It was an adorable scene. I enjoyed the morning sitting at my computer going through the hundreds of emails that had accumulated over the last several days, and finally unsubscribed from many political groups. Now, I am sitting, across from my man who is reading, and next to my kitty who is resting on the stool next to me, as I am listening to Taylor Swift and typing these words. I feel grounded in my home life. Having the day off from the Library and the Gym, due to being slightly under the weather, I have found many activities that are culling my spirit into a place of gentle presence and sanity.

I am looking forward to this holiday season, and shopping for Christmas presents for my family. I have a little extra money, so I am not stressed about not being able to afford gifts, and I am not putting it off to the last minute, while telling myself first that I am not buying gifts ‘this year’, and then scrambling at the last minute. There are two phenomena that highlight my life in metaphor at this point in time. One is that there are huge amounts of space between solid objects, such as protons and electrons, and also in outer space between the planets and the suns. I am reminded that having space, down time, and time to reflect, is paramount for sanity. Also, this negative space is filled with energy and purpose. The scientists say that empty space, or dark space, has a lot of life and activity present within what may seem like nothingness. Applied, this makes me feel am I allowed to take the time and space that I need to heal, adjust, process, and relax, and that I can also trust there is very important processes existing within this dark matter or negative space within my life.

In order for things to become solid, and manifest in completeness, there is time and space needed, which people who suffer from achievement disorder or perfectionism, such as myself, do not always realize is a necessary observance. Nothingness is a valid pastime, in the form of creativity and result. In order for things to truly manifest in completeness and in authenticity, there may be endless space needed. The more space that exists, the brighter the star, the hotter the sun, the more dense the matter. I have been using this philosophy to help me slow down. In this slowness, my body and being are able to breathe within the space between the electrons and protons of my life, and once again, I realize that less is truly more.