On the first of January, 2019, I was sitting under the night sky on my sister’s farm, a farm that has been in our family since childhood, after a new moon circle that was very pleasant. I was sharing with my sister some words of wisdom that had come to me recently; that I was to “travel the path of least resistance”. At that very moment, as I spoke these words, the largest meteor that I have ever seen blazed a path across a quarter of the night’s sky. The path was so long that after I first observed it, I told my sister to look, and we both continued to appreciate this astronomical event together for many more moments. It was phenomenal. I said to my sister, “What was I just saying?” We recalled that I was just reflecting on these words of wisdom, and I took this as a sign that traveling the path of least resistance would be a theme that would lead me into and perhaps through this new year of 2019.

For many, following the path of least resistance, which means following natures path, and flowing with what the universe calls us to in our lives naturally, may not always feel like the “right” thing to do, or perhaps the most pleasant. For me, it constitutes one of the greatest life lessons that this life has put before me, accepting my illness. For years, even decades, I mourned my diagnosis of mental illness. I pined for a life where I could achieve at school or a career, and I envied people that could live their lives without the mental and emotional pain and anguish I seemed destined to endure. I developed rage because I could not accept what the universe had put in my path, not so very subtly. I resisted, and attempted college over and over again, which led to major episodes and even hospitalizations. I cut my identity to merely being disabled, unable to work full time or achieve at the jobs that I could get. My soul became shrouded in darkness.

Many years later, I began to work diligently at accepting my illness. This involved being willing to work with doctors to get my meds right and enduring uncomfortable side effects that ensued from never ending adjustments. It meant eventually giving up work entirely, so I could fully focus on basic mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellness. This now looks like daily meditation, walking, trying to eat right, and keeping up on my chores and basic hygiene. It means swallowing my pride and surrendering my ego. It means transforming any negative connotations of the labels I receive, into positive concepts, like that I am gifted and creative. It means humbly and openly telling the world my truth, the truth that I am a fully diagnosed schizoaffective patient, and continuing to write and tell my story for others to hear. In doing this I accept further what god, the universe, and nature have put in my path in such a significant way.

To me, following the path of least resistance, means listening to the subtle messages in my body that I receive from my symptoms. Instead of trying to mold myself into somebody that is “normal” or does not experience these intense mental illness symptoms, I rather embrace and listen to them, and let them shape me into the person that god made me. Fully accepting the truth that I am who I am, means not hiding from all of the ugly things that go along with being mentally ill. It means wearing my illness with honor, and smiling through the stigmas. It means humbly accepting this as my path, and not expecting more from myself. Just surviving, just living well and healthy, is a huge accomplishment. Wherever this path continues to take me in this life, I will do much better by following this river gracefully, accepting the currents that the universe puts before me, and diving in further. Fighting, resisting, denying what life brings us, ends up being even harder, raising more pain and suffering, and in the end, this resistance is what will be our demise.