There are two sides to everything. There is also Yin and Yang. There is a piece of each side within the experience of the other side. With all that is going on in the world it is hard to remember this. What is the good in the President of the NRA who blames socialism for the mass shootings and believes we should arm teachers? How do we see through this mess and change this stagnant place we are in with politics and gun control? How can we save lives, literally?

So, in this devastation, I have been reflecting on myself. If the truth is simple, that people as well as guns are the reason for the deaths at these schools, what then is the black and white to my life? The truth is that the situation or solution in our political issues as well as my life are not black and white. Mental health seems to play a huge role in these shootings. Maybe this gun problem will shed light on mental health, and I hope that it does not make the stigmas stronger. But here is where it is apparent to me that there is some good in the other side. I do believe the shooters were sick. I do believe they were mentally ill, and I have a lot of compassion for this issue. In my life, I can look at myself with black and white eyes, and my situation and self growth becomes seemingly hopeless as well. I see the fact that I am overweight, I see the fact that I am a smoker, and that I am on medications that cause health issues. I see the fact that I am going through menopause at 38 and that this may mean I am aging prematurely on top of these other issues. I am aware of the fact that I have high cholesterol and arthritis in my knee. I push against this tide, but yoga has become difficult because of my weight and both exercise and diet become factors in triggering the old psychological addiction that I carry, anorexia-bulimia. All of these things are facts. Western medicine is very concerned with the facts and my situation basically sounds insurmountable and makes me feel like crap.

The truth is that we need better gun control, I need a better diet and I need to pursue exercise every day. But I am also a round and spiritual being with many other facets to who I am. On the Yin side of things, and seeing the positive in my health situation, I have become an avid meditator. I walk every other day, or as often as I can and have recovered being able to cross distances of 3-4 miles because I have corrected the arthritis in my knee from taking turmeric as well as insisting on exercising it through the pain while remaining active. I have produced a book recently and have been re-discovering my talent for writing poetry as well as seeing that I am creatively endowed as a writer. This makes me feel positive about myself and my identity. I am stable and for someone who lives with the diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder this is a major accomplishment that takes a lot of discipline and hard work. I have a relationship that I have maintained for twenty years. I care about the world and others. I am working to stabilize even more on my meds so I can take on the pursuit of expanding mental health resources to others in San Juan County. My physical stats do not directly equate to who I am as a person. We all have our struggles. It is possible to be a vegan athlete and be a very shallow or vindictive person. I have a lot going for me.

So you can see, black and white does not get us very far. It can be debilitating and very depressing. We must look at ourselves as well as the issues of our world from both sides, and really from an integrated playing field. We must learn to be bi-partisan, as well as lobby for and march for what we believe in. But don’t forget that there is good on both sides. I believe this will only help us live and learn more organically. It is so very hard when dealing with racism, white supremacy, dictatorship, fascism, and republicans as these seem to be very one sided black and white issues, but flowing with the Yin and Yang of the universe must be the way and will only help us navigate these difficult issues and difficult times both within ourselves and out in the world.