Life is about surrender. I have realized this lately. I suppose I have been re-realizing this because this bit of wisdom has passed by my ears before, but learning this lately feels prudent. I am in the process of producing a book and the process has been slow as of late. But here is where surrender comes in. I have to trust that God is preparing me to be received in the form of this book exactly in the way that it is meant to be. It is a lot to put this tome out to the world, talking about my journey with spirituality as well as my journey with mental illness. I want to take the time to process this reality as well to edit it as slowly and thoroughly as possible. It will happen, and it will happen soon.

Every day is a matter of surrender. A couple of days ago I pulled a muscle in my calf and this has interrupted my goals of exercise, which are among my highest priority. I am trying to put my health first. I am worried that I am on a path of aging that is coming too soon. My body aches, I get exhausted, my hair is grey, and I need to quit smoking. I need to do everything in my power to be healthy. I also need to be patient, and have faith in God, pray and surrender. I am doing the best I can. As I limped my way out to Iceberg Point on Saturday next to my friend who is 87, I could only hope that it might be possible to maintain my health for fifty years. So I will surrender control, but I will also move my prayers in the direction of finding strength on this journey of health, both physical and mental.

We can surrender in every moment of our lives. When we spill our coffee, when we are making our list for the day, when we are sitting in stillness. I am not in control of this life. God is watching. I need to pay attention and see where he is leading me. I can seize opportunity if I flow with the plan of God, if I travel the path of least resistance, I may discover how blessed life can be and this may lead me to breakthroughs. This is what I am hoping. Right now this is all I have. I fear that years of stress and medications are taking a toll on my body, that I have grief stored in my legs, and now I struggle with arthritis in my knee and high cholesterol. So I have gained so many skills through the years, and now I have the opportunity to tune my body and to work and pray myself towards wellness. I also need to keep perspective, because everything is relative. And we may not even be here tomorrow. It could be a big wave or a nuclear explosion, it could be a crack of lightening or a falling tree, it could be a sudden illness or accident. As I move into surrender, I am gaining perspective and this is bringing me strength to conquer my fears and move to a place of gratitude.