What do you do when your twentieth class reunion is only two months away? I suppose you get really excited, even a little obsessive, then think of chickening out. I feel like I live my life transparently, with my blogging, and my journaling which I read to my partner. There is no room for lies, secrets. But maybe it is good to have a private life. I suppose this could have been wash boarded out of me at the psych wards. These were places where I felt completely safe because I was being protected from my own mind. I do trust myself, but in a way I don’t. I also know that I believe in God and that nothing is really a secret. I keep no secrets, this is me.

But is this the world? Do I even dare to enter it, naked, without a thing to hide? Perhaps I am more like Ivanka Trump than I realize, tucked away on my little island with a select few, barely venturing to the city where I am exposed and potentially ridiculed. Perhaps we need the cold world in some way and without it, having such a thin film around me, I am prone to break, or dissolve in the presence of a challenge such as exposing myself to a reunion.

I would hope that people could meet me where I am, but everyone will be battling with their younger selves, perceptions of how far they have come. I like to think I come from an authentic class, a school that can break through barriers, stereotypes and bullshit. But am I delusional? Won’t it be just another class reunion? Honestly I have never been to one but I have heard the stories. What will people really think when they see me, and will they see me at all? Perhaps I am better, hidden away, reaching out to the world through my writing, and keeping one secret for a change, myself. 

P.S. If you are reading this and are from the class of 1997 at Northwest, feel free to contact and encourage me. Peace.