Classical music plays in whines and swirls around the house, lit with bright September sun curving around the clouds and entering upon a chill that is welcomed in its salinity. I welcome too, the rain; the grass is green with a fresh mow, snow berries bursting forth on their delicate brown and bare twigs. I was afraid that after my vacation I would have to return to the grind of summer, not wholly convinced that fall was upon us. Now I do feel confident, as I return to work tomorrow, that I will be able to keep this calm, cool and tempered place in my spirit.

Revolving around a spirit that I believe loves me, provides the greatest outlook on life. I can return to myself, loving myself and believing and having faith in something greater. Before, I was alone, and my faith centered on my husband who has always been full of strength and belief. But this did not lead to me knowing myself or to me having true faith when it counted. I would struggle for meaning, and my psychotic brain would fill in the gaps with fantasies that would mask as truth. Knowing God I am much more centered on reality, and have a strength and belief that pushes and pulls me through even when I am unaware. He never leaves my side. I am whole. I am loved.

As the notes of my favorite classical song of all time plays (Moonlight by Beethoven), I am covered in serenity. I look forward to the solitude of winter. I look forward to spending time with the gifts that have been created around me in infinite design, and gaining greater understanding of the true mystery and gift of life. As the sun illuminates my dirty windows beyond my clean table and organized room, I am reminded of balance, such an essential tool to our living on this planet. May we share with others and support the balance of life in respect for all that we have been given. Let us let go of fear knowing that this all may be temporary, but embrace in true gratefulness that we are able to witness the miracles that are strewn before us.