I want the patterns of longing to describe to me the motive that rests deep in my heart; the colors of the painted emotions that resemble the insignia of my grief to dance about and within the borders of my mind. Today is a special day. They all are. I can’t wait for the subtle paintings or compositions of my inner workings to unfold on this canvas. All of my friends and companions in this life; their colors swirl with mine, creating exquisite bleedings and overall masterpieces. This all can happen within a day; each companion a part of the ever evolving cycle of beauty.

I wait; I listen, for a clue, for an exchange of meaning. My friends’ voices in my mind, I can hear their thoughts, their expressions. This may be audible hallucination, but it helps me. It is a common place where I balance the real and unreal. Often and mostly I must fall back on the reality that the general human population sees as acceptable, and yet I indulge. Sometimes I hear the voice of God, sometimes it is my roommate, lover or good friend. It may be a form of communication from deep within our subconscious. Perhaps it is just me sorting through various scenarios and thoughts, but even if it is entirely hallucinated, on some level there is real communication. Perhaps it is just me communicating within my very own mind, the walls of my subconscious bleeding and blending. I am a painting. I am unique. We all are. I thank every companion on this journey that has ever cared or chosen to unravel with me, for their input, for their flavor. Life would be dull without the imagination. This indulgence can be a detriment, but if used wisely it can be a tool. On some level we are all crazy, and whether you relate to these off the wall ramblings or not, I encourage you to dive into some level of creative insanity at some moment. For me it is not always fun, for I can lose sight of what is real all too easily. But I have learned to accept about myself all that is unconventional, obtuse and transparent.